Dear Sadiya From the Past,
If there is one thing I've learned from my 17 years of life on this planet, it would be to live every single day to the fullest and live in the moment. Things that may seem unimportant will one day be the best memories you hold onto. Every thing you get invited to is an opportunity: an opportunity to make friends, make memories, make the bad days worth it, make the good days even better. I have never regret anything I've chosen to do or not do. But, that is due to one reason and one reason only: my mindset. Looking back, I know you've always feared regretting a decision, and I can genuinely say I don't regret anything. If I chose to skip something it's because I genuinely did not want to go or didn't see it as something I would enjoy. It's not worth it to dwell on the what could have beens.
Something that I know has always bothered you is productivity and in fact it still bothers me, probably more so now that there is a pandemic going on and my opportunity for productivity is limited. But, there is one thing I want to tell you: it is okay to have bad days and unproductive days. It's okay to need rest days and designate days meant for friends! I know that it's hard to balance school, theatre, speech, a social life, etc. but looking back you've done pretty good!
Being adventurous is something that has not always been a priority for you. All through your younger school days I can definitely say you were a goody-goody and honestly I still am! But, one thing that I've learned makes me happy and feel young and in love with life, is being a little spontaneous. School has and will always be important to me. As I enter my senior year though and might I add an abnormal senior year, I'm starting to realize what's important. I have goals I want to reach and a place I want to be, but there is no need to impatiently wait for that day. Instead, learning to be grateful for everything on my journey through life is the most important thing I've learned.
Struggling with your identity, is something you will probably have to deal with your entire life. It's been many years and I still don't know who I am. Although, I see my dreams and ambitions pretty clearly, I still have no idea who I want to be or where I want to end up, for fear of making the wrong choice. I think the best thing you can take away from this is that you don't need to know who you are/ what makes up your identity today or tomorrow or a year from now, because it will continue to change as we get older and discover more about ourself. For now be young, be happy, do crazy things and don't ever doubt yourself because I'm confident life will turn out the way it's supposed to be.
Also, don't let fear of judgement hold you back from being your true self and doing what you love. Sometimes I look back and wish I wasn't so uptight and serious in moments of my younger life, I wish I let loose a little more and let out my full personality. I still do that sometimes, and now I know it's because I was always afraid to do crazy things and be judged by strangers or peers, etc. Thinking about it a little more in-depth, I realize that not a lot of people truly know me. What I mean is I let a lot of people in because I'm a pretty open book but I don't let them see the whole "Sadiya Personality". I think the people you've chosen as friends are amazing and you're so lucky to have them. So let them in, let them see your personality and let them understand who you are. Because, me being you I know that you're a gem!
Lastly, I want to leave you with this, love the things you love, fear the things you fear and don't let anymore make you change. There is no reason to chase people to stay in your life because if you have to chase them they weren't meant to be there. But also, look around and realize who's stayed. Thank the people who have been there for you and who are still there for you! No one gets anywhere on their own and that includes you! Your friends and family are the reason you are where you are. So hold on to the important ones and let go of the ones who don't embrace the full Sadiya for who she is! Now go out their and live that life you've always wanted because there is no time like the present!
XOXO,
Sadi :)
P.S some of the things I wrote, I wrote as a reminder to Sadiya today.
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